June Book Review: The Runaway Jury (grisham)

I'd like to begin reading a book every month, and then writing a quick blog about my impressions of it; Choosing a Grisham novel that I've read before may be a curious beginning, but this is my blog and I can do what I want * lol!

A paperback can be a great diversion from life, and this proved true for me. In the book, a jury asked to try a tobacco case gets "hijacked" by a mole who tries to steer the jury to the verdict that will make this mole very rich. I won't give away the rest.

Some of the striking things about this book: First, the energy spent by the wealthy to remain so. The CEO's of the tobacco company are not just invested in staying rich; they're obsessed. Sometimes you get the impression it would be better for each of them to die than to lose this verdict.
I have a drive to excel, to pursue success and be the BEST, at everything. I don't have a good reason for it, its probably my pride; but I want to, ultimately, be able to lose it all and realize that the JOURNEY made me successful, not the outcome.
That I could start over tomorrow, with nothing, and be confident, because it wasn't the success or the wealth that defined me, but the ability to make it happen.

I guess thats the moral of the story for me, cause I don't have another massive, philosophical point to be gleaned from the book. Great story though, one of his bests, and entertaining throughout.

Next month's book, courtesy of Dave Longjohn of Extended University Programs, WMU: The Resonant Interface, by Steven Heim. Don't expect to be entertained by it, but i should learn some things, its about the design of systems the interact with both people and computers, or basically a lesson in aesthetics for computer software and interfaces. Stuff I like, geek sh*t.

Thanks, Frenchies. TTYL!

- KH

Rash of Tampon... Thefts?

WMU has long prided itself on being a safe campus, with police phones available near public walkways, well lit areas at night, constant patrolling (and ticketing, and ticketing, and ticketing, and...) by the WMU-Police (recently upgrading their name from "Department of Public Safety", which sounds like some George Bush color-coded state dept.)


BBBBBBBBUUUUT! No more. The following email was distributed to WMU Faculty and Staff:

"Public Safety needs campuswide support to catch the person responsible for a rash of thefts from women's restroom vending machines on campus. Report all suspicious people and activities to crime@wmich.edu or 387-5555."

I'm not really sure how to react to this... my first thought is "someone really needs some damn tampons!" Can they be that hard to find? They are raiding women's bathrooms, this isn't a mall store!!! Here's a hint, if someone comes out of the loo with more tampons than people carry on average in their hands (no expert on women's products, but I'd imagine the average is between zero and, uh.... zero?)

Besides, wouldn't a person in dire need of tampons probably show some, uh.... tamponic requiring traits? I'm sorry, but c'mon, blood trail? We don't need Public Safety, we need the freaking deer hunter here! (see image to the right) Or maybe an English bloodhound, pick up the scent. "Woof woof!" "Did you find em boy?" "Woof!" "whats that?" "Woof Woof!"
Where is Lassie when you need her?

I digress... obviously this person isn't stealing tampons for themself, it's probably to...
sell....
them.....
on the...
black market....??????
Wait, WHAT!? I wanna be a fly on the wall for that sales transaction:

"psst!" *opens coat* "You need some of these? It's gonna cost you extra, honey. Had to steal these mySELF!"

Like honestly, where do you go to sell these things? Its not like you can walk into Walgreens and hang out in the women's personal products section (side-note: no guy ever walks down that aisle. ever. i repeat, no guy will walk down there if he could help it. If there was a bear chasing this man, and the other aisle was blocked, the man would still not go down that aisle, I'm convinced of this. It's like kryptonite. If we do end up in the aisle, we act like we are drowning, we look down, we hold our breath... yeah....Anyway...)

So yeah, its not like you can walk into Walgreens and hang out in the women's personal products section and walk up to some lady and be like "these are kinda pricey huh? I know where you can get them on down low..."

Maybe they sell them to the pawn shop, I guess. I suppose thats an option... of course, I wanna meet the women who goes to the pawn shop for her feminine toiletries. Actually I retract that, I DON'T want to meet that women. Thats like the guys who buys condoms from the dispenser at the local gas sation... um, dude, they don't clean the freaking SINK, do you think that little investment is gonna do ANYTHING for you? Durex? really? Lets label that condom brand "Baby Mama", that might be a little more accurate, ya think? Save your money and buy some diapers!

But here is the real question that we get to, the real social issue here, the underlying metaphysical tone; see, cause there IS someone who is stealing these things, and they must need our help, cause somethings up... And making fun of this person's lot in life isn't helping.
So yeah, the question is...
...
...
...
...
...
Where does that dude rank in the criminal world? I mean, thats not exactly the crime lord to make 50 cent holla "gang-STA!"

Can you see this dude sitting around the crime lair or wherever it is that hardened criminals hang out after doing their thing, and one guy is like "stole a mercedes, took it to the chop shop, what about you?" Next guy is like "I robbed a jewelry store, check this stuff out".
Meanwhile, tampon guy stands up all proud, "I broke into the bathroom and stole THESE!"

Thug Life! I mean, he's gotta be at the bottom of the food chain, right? Like, right above the guy who.... who.... you know what, I can't think of anything else! Thats it, you are the bottom. Welcome to the bottom, you are there, do not pass go, do NOT collect $200. Could tampons possibly retail more than maybe 30 cents a piece? The bum who steals my bottles is living higher than this guy... What are the vegas odds on this guy getting shot the moment he pulls out the first one? 10-1? 20?

I'm not sure what else there is to say. Dude, or lady, or whoever, if you're reading this, you need some help. You're headed down a slippery slope (bad pun alert!), and the underside isn't gonna be pretty! (really bad pun alert!)

So keep your eyes open folks, and don't forget: CALL THE POLICE if see ANY suspicious people or activities... because looking for someone stealing tampons isn't suspicious all by itself, right? But thats what the email said, they need our support in tracking down this rash of crime on our beloved campus. What would this world be like if women couldn't KNOW that there would be some tampons available in their local bathroom, without some monster taking away that opportunity? Can I get an amen, high five, anything?

Wow, I'm glad I'm a dude.

- KH

Nashville Trip: Tips, tricks, notes and thoughts

Hey y'all...

So this blog is to chronicle my trip to Nashville, and also to re-type my notes so that I would remember the things I learned a little better. If you're visiting because I invited you to pick up some of these tips, thanks!!! Be sure to check out my website @ www.krishitchcock.com

Anyway.... I'm just gonna give you what I learned as I learned it, so here goes!!

"Nashville is like Highschool with money" - Barbara Cloyd
People who work in the industry tend to move up with their "class", or the people that they meet and work with the most. It is therefore, important to meet peers as well as people who are currently successful.

Some tips from our pool of current songs:

• Every good song (in country music) can be summed up in one sentence.
• Songs must have a payoff line, typically at the end of the chorus (and frequently the song title). This is called the "hook" and its what country music is built on.
• Some single mom just paid a weeks pay to go to that show she bought tickets for; and she does that because of the image of the artist. So, any song an artist sings is going to need to support that image. There are some exceptions, but not many; artists play songs that they relate to the image they want, so writers need to be aware of what the songs character's image is.
• If nothing else, appeal to women; they buy the cd's and go to the concerts, and even the men that go, typically, are there with a woman.

Great example of fresh lyrics and images: "Where the green grass grows" - Performed by Tim Mcgraw, written by Craig Wiseman.

You can master the details (99 cent heart attack, a bull named fu manchu), or you can write it simple (I'da had to miss, the dance).

How to become amazing:

1. Unconscious incompetence (you suck and you don't know why)
2. Conscious incompetence (you suck and you know why)
3. Conscious competence (you are good when you focus)
4. Unconscious competence (you are just good all the time)

Don't overly compare your songs to those that are on the radio; they aren't always better, they've just been cut.

Be easy to say no to; hear the good message behind what people say to keep from being discouraged. This will keep you positive and hopefully open doors for new opportunities. When someone tells you no, ask questions. People will try to be nice to you, but get the ugly truth about the song; ask if there are specific suggestions they have; ask if they can recommend someone else to play for if they turned you down blind.

DON'T USE TOO MANY SYLLABLES!
They are speed bumps in your song; and if you have to trip over them to pronounce them, why are they even there?

Killer first lines are going to make or break a song; if the first line doesn't grab a song, the hook can't save it. or the melody. Gotta start with a great line or mental picture.

Create tension and scenery by painting specific pictures of where you live or where the song takes place.

Open vowels are good on a chorus!

Again... do the words promote the overall point of the song or are they just taking up space?

Colors:
If you put a girl in a red dress, thats hot. If you see a blue car, you're sad. Think about what the colors mean as you put them in.

Melody: If you are you saying "up" or describing something "up", the melody should go up. Same with down, fall, rise, stand, etc.

Writers Tip: Song, uptempo songs for a female singer are always being looked for.

Keep a sense of discovery; add elements later in the song that are surprising or not expected.

Careful with "he said, she said" or describing someone talking; it can work, but it can get confusing if you're trying to describe a conversation. Also be careful with changes in perspective (who is talking or who's eyes your looking through), as you can lose your audience.

One more time: ECONOMY OF WORDS! If you had to pay a dollar for every word, which ones would you remove?

8% of songs pitched get held
1% of held songs get cut
so...
.0008% of pitched songs get cut (math courtesy of John Tumminello)

Every great writer has a BUNCH of crappy songs, so keep writing all the time!

Don't dread the second verse of the song; if you are having trouble with the lyrics on this verse or if you have run out of ideas, start by writing out the song structure (like writing on outline for an essay).

Furniture in the house: Analogy about the imagery of a song.
Too much furniture (too many details or words), and it gets cluttered in there. Not enough furniture and there is nothing to sit on (nothing to remember the song because of).

In "home" kinda songs, put as many people in the scenery as you do items (Tip from craig wiseman)

• red dirt road (brooks and dunn)
  
• home (marc broussard)
• boondocks (little big town)
• back where I come from (kenny chesney)
• my town (montgomery gentry)

YOU CAN DO HOME SONGS, BECAUSE THERE IS A MARKET FOR THEM. YOU JUST HAVE TO OUTWRITE OTHER PEOPLE, SINCE THEY ARE POPULAR.

Audacity.com for download-able music editing software (actually not that website, its just the name of the software; follow the link to download it or see a demo)

PRODUCTION: Chorus should hit by :48 seconds or the song is too long.

Be very careful with double verses! They can be done, but make sure they are necessary first. Can all the information be streamlined into one verse?


.....ooooookayyyy, those are my notes, I have a few more on random sheets but I have to track them down. Hope that helps you! (and me!!!!)
-KBH

Male Bathroom Ettiquette (man laws pt. 1)

This is an important topic to bring you today, and brought on by a lot of mistakes in the proper use of urinals, sinks, and general peeing environments.

The topic of bathroom rules is a broad and sensitive one, so the consensus is to allow for some freedom in this area; however, at the same time, it is necessary to define rules and sub-rules for the proper use of the bathroom. note: THIS WILL HELP AVOID UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS AND BATHROOM FOULS!!! Bathroom fouls will be whistled by bathroom officials, and they're will be NOOOOOOOO videotaping of other teams signals, ever, Mr. Belicheck!

Without further ado... Man Laws part 1 - Bathroom Etiquette

All man laws are subject to, and in no part superior to, universal man laws. If a sub-law causes conflict with a universal man-law, than the universal law takes precedence.

Article 1. Urinal placement and use

1. No urinal shall be used when the adjacent urinal is in use by another man. Exemptions: At sporting events where there are not enough urinals or there is a line, adjacent urinals may be used, but only in accordance with article 2. (See below)
2. In the event that both outside urinals are occupied (see green logo above), this is a good time to check hair for balding spots, scratch itchy regions, tie shoes, or check voicemail. Do no, repeat, do not, use the middle urinal unless there is a line.
3. When entering a bathroom with several urinals (4 or more), and one of the end ones is in use, use a urinal no farther than 2 away for the occupied urinal, but never adjacent too it. Standing too far away communicates a fear of male genitalia, which can be construed as overcompensation for the appreciation of other men.
   

Article 2. Urinal Process and Intangibles

1. When using the urinal, do not speak to another man or begin a conversation. It is acceptable to continue a previously started conversation, but only if the other man continues it, and subjects are limited to sports, girls, evening plans, and food. If the other man lets the conversation drop, you are obligated to do the same until use of the urinal is concluded. See article 3 on bathroom speech for more speech laws. It is strongly encouraged to avoid conversation!
   
2. When using the urinal, keep your eyes on your own equipment or the wall immediately in front of you. THIS IS A UNIVERSAL MAN LAW! Failure to comply will result in the loss of man status.
3. Upon completion of the urinal use, zip up at the urinal before turning to face anyone else. Previous conversations can re-start once the zip up procedure is completed. NOTE: if another man fails to zip up, it is NOT helpful to point out his mistake. Allow him to realize this on his own; do not make awkward comments or focus on the unzipped region.

Article 3. Bathroom Speech
*it is strongly suggested that all speech be avoided. The following are the exceptions:

1. Speaking is allowed if required, such as the circumstance of standing in line at a ball game and needing to communicate who is next. However, if possible, insert awkward head nods, grunts, and other non verbals wherever possible.
2. When using the sink, it acceptable to continue a conversation. Even here however, it is not the appropriate time to begin a conversation. You're in the bathroom, why would you be talking?
3. Some words must be avoided at all costs, subject to immediate removal of man status:
• Large (or any synonym)
• Purple
• Tom Brady
• Musical artists including: Prince, Michael Jackson, Beegees, Elton John
• Purse
• Flacid
• Wrestling
• Video
  
4. Do not answer the phone in the bathroom, under any circumstance.

These are the man laws concerning the bathroom; however, if you can remember nothing else, remember this: Pretend that this a race; if talking slows you down, don't do it; if washing up takes too long, don't do it; if ANYTHING forces you to be in that uncomfortable location too long, avoid it and move on.

ONE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION: If the bathroom contains a garbage can, situated 5 or more feet away from the paper dispenser, you are obligated to attempt a free throw or other basketball type shot at the can. If you miss, do not bend over and pick up the missed paper wad unless no one else is there.

Sunday Night Quarterback

Some post superbowl thoughts...

first...
The commercial spectacle was not like in years past; I remember last year there were at least two awkwardly gay commercials, this year none. Victoria Secret's 2.7 million ad was horrible, and not racy horrible, just BORING. They picked the wrong model (her teeth were weird), and NOTHING HAPPENED FOR THE ENTIRE COMMERCIAL! She just sat there. Not controversy, no "I'm saving the world and 'oops' someone dropped a pencil", just her sitting there. They paid 2.7 million dollars for some chick to sit.
However... the bright spots were the doritos commercial with the mouse attacking the guy (definately a 10), and the Etrade commercials with the talking baby (also 10's!). The Bud Light ones were solid 8's all, although I would have loved it more if miller and bud could have slugged it out for best dis on each other... that would have rocked!

second...
this game was supposed to be about quarterbacks, Golden Boy vs. Youngest Boy, 6th round vs. 1st overall, Stetson Cologne vs. Oreo Bowl with Big Brother (who will always be in caps, why didn't someone make the obvious "Big Brother is watching" joke during the game? I realize there is a writers strike, bu CMON, someone else get that analogy?!!!!!!)
ANYWAY, that didn't happen. It boiled down to pass rush. PASS RUSH. The giants all but destroyed the BEST O-line in the world, and for most of the game, the Pats responded in kind and made Eli Manning look nothing like his brother. 4th quarter, different story! Suddenly Eli has time, and Tom can't do jack against a Giant's secondary that NO ONE has heard of. Ever. There mothers prolly were there, and they prolly haven't heard of them either.
Eli got the MVP because, well, you can't give an MVP to 7 players (the Giant front 7), who were the ONLY unit that played up to hype (except Wes Welker, cause he was phenomenal!)

third...
We can now point out that, all along, this was the only team that could derail the Pats. Sure, it would have been fun to watch Brett Favre play another game, but... do you think right now he'd be hoisting a Lombardi trophy? NO! He'd be sitting on the bench watching the Pats prance around, having thrown an NFL record 8 interceptions or something. NOPE, not the Colts, not the Pack, certainly not the Dallas Showboys (Cowboys work hard and get little credit, Showboys do nothing and get credit). No, a matchup between two superstar offenses goes to the team with the best offense (Pats Pats Pats!). But if you bring in a unit of angry pass-rushing fools like NYG, they negate that offense, and now all you have to do is not screw it up.
*NOTE: Eli tried! Look at that final drive and tell me you weren't holding your breathe every time he threw the ball. Yes, the big plays were great, but if its not for David Tyree going INSANE with that ball on the helmet catch (play of the game?!), we'd be seeing Golden Boy selling us everything again tomorrow. Now, we just have to deal with the fact that we'll be seeing the First Family of Football for the next 2 decades every time we want Oreos or Mastercard. And one more thought, since we know that they're is obviously genetics involved, which Manning fathers the next start quarterback? My money is on Eli (for physical reasons, he can actually MOVE while playing football, and plus uncle Peyton can teach anyone to throw, thats why he offers the Manning Camp!)
BTW, Camp David, Manning Camp? Manning and Harrison '12? Are we ready for a president that has won a superbowl? Stay tuned for that!

Nothing online? Myspace for Jesus!

I spend a lot of sundays at my apartment, like, sunday morning's when I probably should be at church. I've taken to reading the bible and singing a praise song or two with my morning coffee, and praying, which isn't quite church but it does a lot for me as well.

Well anyway, today I was doing that, and I couldn't think of a good place to read from; I don't have a daily devotional or study guide or anything, so I've kinda just been reading my favorite chapters. Unfortunately, today I couldn't think of anything, so I went online to try and find something.

I particularly wanted something tailored for a college student, so I typed in "college bible study". Ugh... most of my results were for universities trying to get me to attend, so I kept trying other searches. Anytime I typed "college", I got university ads, and anyone knows you can't say "young adult" because "young" and "adult" or buzzwords in the porn world!!!! (interestingly enough, GOOGLE, which I tend to swear by, offered me a "click here for christian porn" ad on their "related searches" tab. Nice job, Googs.)
Anyway, I found out something startling; there is not an easy to find college christian community online. I'm sure there is one, but the number rule of web design: your site is only as good as the people who look at it (and if this number is "0", um, yeah).
So, here's my idea:
An Online Christian Community for college age people. I actually stopped my Bible reading for a moment to write down my ideas, and I got:

• Weekly "sermon" audio clip (not from me, but rather featuring a guest pastor or youth pastor, maybe a 20 minute podcast or something like that.
• Weekly praise service (same thing, maybe 4 songs or so)
• Daily Bible study guide (actually, a couple different would be great, like for the new christian, the older christian, etc etc.)
• Music section (this would draw people, but an online music sharing system like mp3.com where christian artists could be heard and maintain a profile)
• this section could feature different artists, and have a flash player cd player for tracks and so on
• Myspace style profiles for members (with pictures, profile info, messaging, and local networks)
• A blog section by featured pastors/Y. Pastors/Other Spiritual leaders, who would write at their leisure about whatever topic. These blogs could be linked to profiles (so if my name is krisloveschrist, I could add Pastor GenericName to my profile, and whenever he wrote a blog it would show up on my profile page, or at least a link to it).

Ok so, big project I know, but it could be soooooooooo cool. I'm gonna send this idea to some of my pastoral friends and see what they think.

Lastly, my verse for the day: "Let the words of my mouth, and the thoughts of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, Father God, my Strength and my Redeemer."
- Psalm 19:14

Haha well for starters, don't drink Monster Energy drinks before going to sleep. Everything feels like its going way too fast and I don't like it lol.

So, day 2 of my blog (actually like day 10, but since I haven't written in it for a few days...)

So I'm headed to nashville in about 3 weeks, and I'm so excited about it; I'll be meeting other writers from around the country, burning the candles writing songs, and learning about my favorite craft ever... lol.
I used to wonder how it could be fulfilling as a writer, to work so hard on a song and then hear someone else get famous singing it (especially when a particular artist becomes synonymous with particular song, like "All my friends say").
But I have to say, as a writer, I can see the draw now... those songs are so larger than life to us, that maybe someone else would do it better anyway.